It's the final countdown

So guys. Last post from the United Kingdom.

Bristol, I will miss you. Sometimes it was crazy and miserable here, but I went to some good pubs, met some good people, drank some really good beer, had some really excellent times, and, let's face it, walked up (and down) some pretty wicked hills. I'm sad to go.

Here I come, United States of America. You best watch yo' self.

Is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?

In the battle of my cravings, Mexican Food is the projected winner. Disheartened by cries of 'Mexican Food cures everything!' and 'I would make love to a burrito right now,' the other competitors have fallen behind. They have come to realize that the road to my heart (stomach?) is not paved with pizzas or sandwiches without mayonnaise, but instead with jalapeños and salsa.

Really, though. I just made some chili con carne, and it made my hangover disappear. Mexican food is the answer to every question. What's for dinner? Mexican food. What's awesome? Mexican food. Who are you voting for in the 2008 Presidential Election? Barack 'Mexican Food' Obama, and I'll be celebrating his win with what you ask? Oh, you guessed it. Mexican food. Awesome.

Sorry, guys. I think it's the fact that I only have 4 days left here and I am fuh-reaking out. I feel divided. One part of me is counting down the hours, and the other part of me doesn't want to leave, not even in the slightest. They are warring within me! Oh nooooes! One thing is certain, though. I am not looking forward to flying Air France. Curse you, Charles De Gaulle International Airport. You will be the death of me.

Things I did this week that were not writing unnecessary blog posts:
I went to the Bristol zoo. The lemurs were awesome. So were the gorillas.

And I also saw Gone Baby Gone again, and was forced to interact with some really irritating young teenage girls on the bus. Is it really that fun to goad strangers? I've never understood it. Here's my favorite part of our brief exchange:

Chav: Do you believe in God?
Me: No.
Chav: Oh, fair play.

Hrumph.

My wardrobe is officially dead to me.

Also, my left shoulder is totally fucked. OUCHZ.

I just finished The Road and boy, that didn't help my mood at all.

Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear

Hello! I have approx 6 days left in Bristol. What the shiiiit. Also, I didn't go to Scotland and that SUCKS and it makes me want to use CAPS LOCK. Tonight I am going to see Into the Woods which is NOT THE SAME as going to Scotland. Today I busied myself by reading blogs and figuring out how to use up all my food and doing the meme I have posted below. Meme is a weird word.

The Instructions:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into flickr search
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

More business juice, please.

I have a pretty huge to do list for someone who has no real responsibilities or obligations. I need to go to the post office, buy groceries, pick up my paper, buy a luggage scale, clean my room, take a shower (these are not in order), put in my contacts, eat, plan a trip, do my laundry. BUT. All these things are made infinitely harder, and some even impossible, by the fact that I have yet again hurt my ankle.

What the hell is wrong with my ankles? I use them all the time. How can they be so weak. All I did was step down from a slight ledge onto a hill (completely sober, mind you), and now my left ankle is var, var painful. Kind of like my right one was six months ago.

Motherfocker. I am hungry. I guess I will limp around Bristol all day.

EDIT: I will not be limping around all day, because this shit is worse than I thought. Ugh.

You're a towel.

Someone recently told me they had read my blog and that I was insane.


Last night I saw the Sex and the City movie, which I will not talk about here because of certain Logans who wish to remain unspoiled. I will tell you this: Rosebud is a purse.

Then also last night I stayed up all night. Like, all night. I didn't even SLEEP, which is what I normally do (lately for nine to ten hours at a time). That might be one of the only all-nighters I've ever pulled. I honestly don't know how people function on no sleep. I don't know if I applaud them, or just observe them keenly but warily. What are they trying to hide? And if that question doesn't make any sense, then: Why are they so alert?

Good news: My secret agent/Asian friend told me last night that golf courses often double as weapons bunkers. When questioned, however, he admitted they they do not have jets underneath them like the basketball court in X-Men. Disappointing. But, still. If I had known this sooner, I would have been way more likely to finally go to that GCC golf camp my dad kept bugging me about for like, eight summers in a row.

Golf camp. Psh. The only thing about golf that I'm good at is absolutely nothing. The first day of golf class at Thunderbird I picked up a left-handed club. I can't even watch it correctly. I always accidentally fall asleep or kill myself.

So. That's what's been going on here. A whole lot of nothing. I did finish What is the What, and am now reading Middlesex. Oh, and whenever I feel like going to campus again, one of my papers is ready to pick up. So that should be good, hopefully. OK! Bye!

I am not dead yet.

Last Friday I left for London where I did these fun things:

I saw Bon Iver and Iron & Wine play, I saw Spamalot, I went to the British Museum, the National Gallery and the National Portrait Gallery, the Natural History Museum, Kensington Gardens, Windsor Castle, and I saw A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Globe Theatre. Everything was var nice. Joe and I had a good time hanging out, and he came back to Bristol with me on Wednesday. We went to Bath and saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Now I am back in Bristol just relaxing and trying to figure out what to do next. It's hard to believe I will be back in the States in fewer than 30 days. My emotions regarding that fact are very complicated.

I am also trying to figure out what color I should paint my room at home. If anyone has any thoughts on the Behr paint colors 'Scotch Lassie,' 'Mirage Lake,' or 'Teal Zeal,' I would like to hear them.

That is all.

We need hope. We need change. We need experience. We need PENS.

A lot of people here wear board shorts just as a part of their regular outfit, girls and guys alike. To me this is odd. I find board shorts acceptable only if you are going to be around water at some point during the day. A bathing suit is not suitable attire for just going to class. Speaking of, I'm pretty sure a girl in my seminar today was wearing a bikini top. I can think of two reasons why this might have happened. One, she was going swimming later. Two, she wanted to wear the shirt she was wearing, which would have definitely shown most of her bra. Either way, I can't really judge. I mean, if it's the latter, then that's just smart thinking. I wonder if here the board short isn't really the most popular bathing suit for dudes like it is in the States, and that's why it is acceptable day wear. Then again, the fashion here is so different that I don't even want to begin to speculate.

So. I'm 21. My birthday was okay. Nothing spectacular, and nothing horrible. I spent most of the day by myself since my friends were either sleeping all day or revising. Later on we went to dinner at Wagamama where I was presented with a really awesome Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull cake, complete with white chocolate skull on top. Check it out. Niiice, right? The skull kind of looks like an alien.


After dinner we went to the Vaults, but soon the party dwindled down to three since a few of my friends still had to do work. Tina, Charlie, and I stayed at the pub until close, playing cards and drinking, and then I took a cab home. I had fun, but it was a mellower night than I was hoping for. I didn't even get to do an ill-advised shot of tequila or anything. But really, who can complain about a night involving an Indiana Jones cake? I mean, I got to eat Indy's face, and that has been a dream of mine for quite some time.

Just so you guys know, 'ill-advised' is one of my favorite words.

Nothing much has happened since Monday. I need to read The Winter's Tale, turn in my papers, go to my last Shakespeare seminar, and then I am off to London on Friday to see Iron & Wine and hang out with Joe for a few days. Then I think he is coming to Bristol, so we are going to go to Bath and possibly Windsor Castle. We shall see.

Happy Birthday, Emilio!

Oh, hi. It's my birthday!

Thanks to those of you who sent me cards (e- or otherwise), posted on my Facebook wall, or just took a minute to think about how cool I am.

ACTUALLY. Right now I am officially 21. I am writing this at 11:36 am GMT, which means it is 6:36 am EST, the official time of my birth. (I think.) Good to know, right?

I haven't a care in the world today because yesterday I finished my Shakespeare paper. So except for editing, printing, and turning in, I am pretty much finished with school. Exciting Times USA.

My plans today are laundry, maybe sitting out on the Downs for awhile to get some sun, and then dinner and drunkenness. This day really makes me miss North Carolina and all the people who reside there, and it will be weird not to have a birthday lunch. BUT. This birthday should shape up to be pretty excellent.

I love you guys.

Sabor de Soledad

Hey, guys.

Things that happened this week: I went to ASDA/Wal-Mart. I saw a polar bear skeleton. I saw Iron Man. I got a lot of birthday cards. I went to one of my four classes. I hung out with Ashley and Joe. I remembered what a hot day was like.

Things that didn't happen this week: I didn't finish my Shakespeare essay.

Things here are just OK. My birthday is coming up, and it's making me miss my fambly. Also, this paper is really stressing me out. I don't know. I downloaded that song "Apologize." My life is weird right now. I have no food other than Weetabix and spaghetti.

Tomorrow is Mom's Day, so happy early Mom's Day to all of you. Bye.

I hope to one day live in a world where someone can tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.

So. Two things.

1. I think carnivals are following me around. I have been surprised by not one, but three carnivals in my travels throughout Europe. I was just walking around in Naples and came across this completely abandoned kiddie carnival. It was raining and it was one of the sketchiest, most depressing things I've ever seen. Then when Tyler and I were in Cologne there was a carnival going on, so we went and rode this really scary swing ride. And then today I went to the UBU shop to get some food and what is in my way? Oh, you know, just bumper cars. What the shit? Looking at those bumper cars I was like, Well, this is definitely the most surreal thing that's going to happen all day. Also, is there one manufacturer of carnival rides? Every one I have seen has had the same decoration. It's all neon colors and airbrushing and then really random drawings of celebrities.

2. Let me tell you about this dream I had the other day. I think it was a lucid dream, you know when you know you're dreaming in your dream. But it wasn't cool. It was awful. So I'm dreaming that I'm on my bed in my dorm, and I look up and someone is coming in the door. Who is it? It's my mom! I got so excited in my dream. Like, I don't know if I've felt that kind of genuine elation since the seventh Harry Potter came out. And then in my dream I am like, No, wait. This can't be happening. I must be dreaming. And it was the worst feeling ever. I haven't felt that horrible and sad in a dream since I dreamed someone in my family died. It didn't compare to that dream, but it was still awful. So, yeah. I miss my mom. And I have been having really weird dreams lately.

3. I'm watching this show Reaper right now, and it's actually pretty good.

I should really be doing work. OH WELL.

Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited french, and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

Yesterday something very odd happened.

I wanted to go the library to work on my paper, but the stupid place was packed. And there is a serious lack of outlets, so I couldn't find a desk that allowed me the luxury of plugging in my computer. I got really fed up and mumbled a lot about how the 6th floor of Davis never left me so unfulfilled, and then I went to the Union instead.

I worked for a few hours, and just as I was about to leave, this random old guy came into the room I was in. He was wearing what looked like MC Hammer pants, a hat, a scarf, and an old coat. And he was holding a pint from the Union bar. When he came in I was like, OK. He's going to sit at the other table. Nope. He put his beer down and then squeezed past this column to come stand right next to me, leaning on the table, staring at my computer screen. He smelled like booze. He stood there for maybe 7 minutes just muttering about how he hates computers and the internet. Occasionally he would shout something like, "It's all SHITE!" The entire time he was standing there, I just continued to talk to Logan on AIM like nothing was happening. At one point he touched my computer screen with his gross hand and muttered something about how "everything is digital premiums, what are digital premiums, what the FUCK are they?" (I was looking at Time Warner Cable packages. I was like, 'Um, cable?' But he seemed not to hear.) I felt very violated when he touched my computer screen. I tried to make it clear that I was busy and had no idea what the shit he was doing, but he was immune to my subtleties. It was a very strange experience. I wish I could remember some of the shit he said. He was off his nut. Finally he left, and told me I was a nice person, God bless, etc. I don't know why he was so angry about the internet. I quite like the internet.

Tomorrow I am going to see a rugby match. It's UWE vs. Bristol; apparently they are rivals. It should be good times. And then on Thursday I am going to see The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged). At some point I am going to finish an essay and read two plays. We'll see how that goes.

Right now I am going to watch the newest episode of House. WHAT UP.

I can't talk now; I have to get my wallet out of the toaster.

And hello! Congratulations to you all, I have something new to report. Yesterday I did something new in Bristol. The place I live is near the Downs, so I romped around in the fresh air with a bunch of my friends. I saw the Clifton Suspension Bridge, I gave someone a shoulder ride involuntarily, I climbed up a huge, prickly semi-cliff face, and I was outside in just a t-shirt and I wasn't cold.

Once I buy or borrow a camera cord (I lost mine in Prague) I will put pictures on Facebook. That goes for pictures of the rest of my European excursion as well.

What else is going on? I read a good book this week. 'Twas The House of Sleep by Jonathan Coe. I'm doing all my reading for the coming weeks in what I've deemed a fit of legitimized procrastination. I'm doing something that will need to be done at some point, even if at this point my essays really should be top priority. Right now I'm reading On Beauty by Zadie Smith, and I'm enjoying it so far. Here's a passage I particularly enjoyed, since it sums up the weather in England so perfectly:

"In England letter-boxes do not jam with snow. Rarely does one see a squirrel tremble. It is not necessary to pick up a shovel in order to unearth your rubbish bins. This is because it is never really very cold in England. It is drizzly, and the wind will blow; hail happens, and there is a breed of Tuesday in January in which time creeps and no light comes and the air is full of water and nobody really loves anybody, but still a decent jumper and a waxen jacket lined with wool is sufficient for every weather England's got to give" (27).

I'm really looking forward to my month break after school lets out. I'm going to try to use the time to read the novels I brought with me from home.

Just to keep those of you who read this blog for grocery shopping observations happy, here's one. Did you know that the store-brand version of Weetabix is actually just as good as regular Weetabix? And cheaper? So keep that in mind the next time you're thinking of buying Weetabix at either Sainsbury's or Waitrose. I know I will!

K. Later.

P.S. Raisins are the best part of the trail mix; thank you to whomever agreed with me. Crispix was a close second, at least in my mind.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Aack!

Guys, I have not been this unproductive since I left the States. I am actually kind of proud of myself. I have managed to do pretty much absolutely nothing all day, and I don't even have a TV or a car. I guess I did go to the grocery store. And since I live in East Jesus, Bristol, that took some initiative. But other than that, nothing.

I think it's my laundry that's keeping me from doing work. I was so looking forward to clean clothes. After wearing each piece of clothing for much longer than socially acceptable during my trip, I was going to wash all my clothes and then spend a few minutes just jumping around in them. But of course my dorm's laundry room is closed for maintenance or something. I was instructed to use the dorm next door's laundry room, which I was told was located "behind our bike shed." Not only is that the worst instruction I've ever gotten, because the entire dorm is located behind our bike shed, but also I have looked really hard for this laundry room, and I don't think it exists. Sometimes I feel like everything in the UK is hidden. Maybe you have to be a wizard to see the laundry room. I really hope that's not the case, because that means my magical abilities are not just latent, they're nonexistent. And I can't deal with that at this point in my life.

So yeah, since I have no clean clothes, somehow that means I can't read, or clean my room, or do any of the other things I should be doing. I don't know; the rationalization makes sense to me.

I forget what the point of this post was. I really did have a point. Oh, right. It was bicycles. But honestly, you guys don't want to hear about it.

In other news, today I kind of explored the suburb I have been forced to live in. The street I ended up on was very pretty with a quaint hardware store and, not surprisingly for Bristol, a big hill. But the grocery store I was looking for ended up being a convenience store. So I bought a Fanta there. And then I walked to the Waitrose, which is ridiculously overpriced, but the walk there is shorter and doesn't involve a big hill like the walk to Sainsbury's.

Speaking of grocery shopping, they recently opened a Somerfield on Whiteladies, closer than the Sainsbury's but not as close as the Tesco Express. This is exciting, because now I can walk back from class on the left side of the road the entire time, even if I'm just stopping to buy milk or candy bars (Tesco is on the right). Tesco Express has really good scones, but it's not like I need to spend 40p on a scone anyway. Also, Somerfield actually has a pretty good produce section. Also, their tuna was good. In case you guys didn't know already, mostly my life consists of going to school, buying groceries, and... I guess drinking. Drinking would be the third thing I do. Also sleeping.

I apologize for this. This was an entirely self-indulgent post. I hope it brought you joy.

P.S.

The Euro penny is the silliest coin I've ever come into contact with. It's so very tiny.

I am become a name; / For always roaming with a hungry heart / Much have I seen and known

What up, suckaz. I'm back in Bristol. Things here are the same, albeit sunnier. At least for today. Although they are sunnier in a purely weather related sense. My life really isn't any sunnier or cloudier than it was before I left. My forecast right now is probably cloudy with a chance of showers in the evening.

My last post was from Munich if I remember correctly, and I do. After Munich Tyler and I went to Bamberg. I highly recommend this city. We stayed in a really excellent hostel called Backpackers Bamberg where we met some cool people, and we drank some very delicious beer. Bamberg is situated in Oberfranken, which "has the highest rate of breweries per capita in the world" (Wikipedia). We also took a day trip to Nuremberg, and went to an awesome toy museum. I took a lot of pictures of doll houses and toy trains. Fun fact: LGB trains were first made in Nuremberg. But it was an American, Gregory Barlow, who was the first kid in the entire world to require his sisters to take a test before they could operate them.

After Bamberg we went to Cologne, and I wasn't really impressed. Our hostel was very smelly, which I guess is fitting given the city's name (get it??). It didn't smell good though. It smelled like dead babies and pee. Also mold. Yeah, I can't really remember much of what happened in Cologne. I think the best things that happened were I ate a Berliner (of 'ich bin ein' fame) and saw an advertisement for South Carolina in the window of a golf shop. The church was very huge, but our only full day there was a Sunday, so we didn't get a chance to go up the tower or anything.

From Cologne we headed to Amsterdam, which ended up being my favorite city of all. I did a lot of stuff in Amsterdam in addition to what you would expect. I really enjoyed the Van Gogh Museum and the Rijksmuseum (even though 2/3 of it was closed). The Anne Frank house, and the Rembrandt House Museum were also cool, although a little pricey for such small exhibitions. Amsterdam was just a really amazing city. I can't really put my finger on why I liked it so much. It's beautiful, and the people are really nice, and everyone rides bicycles, and there are really good Belgian beer bars, and some things are legal, etc. But I feel like it was more than that. I felt very comfortable there; more so than in any of the other places I went. Anyway, it was good times. And I highly recommend you go there as soon as possible.

So now my trip is over. And my bank account has taken a severe hit. And I have little food in the pantry. And all my clothes are dirty. And I have two massive essays looming. But at least I have my own pillow again. And the memories. They are small comforts, but they'll do.

This post was titled retroactively.

Hello friends! I am in München. And guess what? That ü is a key on this keyboard. I didn't have to type in a word I know with an ü and then copy and paste it, which is how I usually make special characters.

Today I went on a guided tour of Dachau. It was a really good tour, and I'm glad that I paid for a guide rather than going on my own. The guide was a guy from Ireland who has been living in Munich for 9 years. His tour was really informative. I learned a lot. Also I find Irish accents very pleasing, so that was good, especially because he could be slightly long-winded.

After the tour Tyler and I went to the Augustiner Brewery's beer hall with the three other people who were on our tour with us. I had a liter of Augustiner Radler Maß which apparently is beer flavored with lemonade. It was pretty good.

OK I am running out of time on this computer. Later.

Will the hostel have showers?

Hello from Naples!

So. Prague was one of the coolest places I have ever been. We stayed in a really excellent hostel called The Golden Sickle; we got free internet and free breakfast, and we met some really excellent people who were also staying there. I saw a lot of what I wanted to see, but there is so much to do that I definitely need to go back. I didn't end up defenestrating anyone, so that is a disappointment. I had a few Catholics at my disposal and I totally missed my chance. I did go up to the top of the astronomical clock tower and walked around the castle in the snow. I think my favorite day was probably Tuesday. We met some guys in our hostel who were going to Kutná Hora to see the 'bone church' (Sedlec Ossuary), so we decided to tag along. At the train station we met a few people who were attempting to get to the same place, so we ended up hanging out with them for the day. After the church we hung out in a random bar near the train station for awhile, playing music on the free jukebox and drinking pivo (Czech for beer!). That night I had the best Tex-Mex I've had since leaving the US at this place called Buffalo Bill's. A chorizo and rice burrito, and a Pepsi with free refills. 'Twas glorious. Pretty much everything I ate in Prague was delicious. Especially the beef ghoulash with dumplings. And all the sausage. The beer was good, too.

Oh, also. I tried absinthe while I was in Prague. It tastes like crap when you drink it straight, and I was, not surprisingly, take-off-my-pants drunk that night. But it was fun.

I was sad to leave Prague and my friends (and to miss out on Vienna and Budapest). In the Prague airport they were selling US Weekly for 200 crowns. That's around 13 dollars with the current exchange rate. I ultimately decided against purchasing, and just stood around for awhile reading about how stars are really just like us. I'm excited to be in Naples and to hang out with Greg. Greg had his conference today, so I was on my own. It was really gross and rainy, so I really only left the hotel to try and buy a watch (mine died in Prague) and to go get lunch. I also wandered around a little bit, but by 2 I felt very soggy so I've been in the hotel since. I watched The Simpsons and The O.C. in Italian for awhile, and then I fell asleep. Tomorrow I think we are going to hit up some museums and castles, and probably eat more pizza. It should be good times.

After Naples I'm heading to Munich to meet back up with my friend Tyler, and then I think we are heading to Amsterdam. I want to end up back in Bristol at least a few days before classes start up again, but we'll see how it goes.

Later, dudes.

Where are the french fries I did not ask for? You guys need to anticipate me!

Guys, I hate dorms. I was going to do my laundry tomorrow, but stupid Easter holidays have crushed my dreams. Jesus could not have picked a more inconvenient weekend to be crucified and then subsequently resurrected. Tomorrow I am going to go to a public laundromat in the daytime. That's a first for me. I like to do my laundry at night, mostly because that is usually when I realize that I ran out of clean clothes that morning. Actually, I really just like to do my laundry at home because it feels free and sometimes my mom does it for me.

I am super nervous about my trip. I am the worst traveler ever I think. I should employ someone to come with me so at regular intervals they can slap me across the face and scream "GET A GRIP, BARLOW." It would also be great if they could carry my bags and they knew a lot of foreign languages.

But just because I am nervous does not mean that I am not really, really excited. I am going to be in the Czech Republic on Saturday. It has yet to sink in. I've been looking forward to this since January of 2003. It's Jan's country! Maybe I will see him again, and I will say, "Remember when you were my waiter on the cruise I took when I was 15? Remember how sweaty and attractive you were? Let's get married!" And he will say, "Yes, let's. But first, would you like a Coke? The machine is not broken anymore." A girl can dream.

Look out for postcards.

Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure.

I actually had a surprisingly (and suspiciously) lucky St. Patrick's Day.

As I got ready to head out for the night, I put on some jeans and found a fiver in one of the pockets. Good. Then at the cider bar we went to there was actually enough room for all 15 or so of us to sit together on the heated patio. Unanticipated. And then while I was walking back home I found a tenner on the ground. Excellent.

Of course, being a generally pessimistic and somewhat superstitious person, I am now wondering what kind of shitstorm I am going to have to endure for finding that tenner.

Exactly three months from today I will be back in the States. Soon I am going to let the folks in Maryland know that I will be expecting a crab feast complete with sweet tea and corn on the cob as soon as I arrive.

I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving.

I'm back from my weekend in Glasgow. Here's the rundown.

So to get to Glasgow I flew EasyJet, and I just figured out what it reminds me of. It was like the UK equivalent of Southwest. No food, herded like cattle, pick your own seats, good times for everyone. The flights were fine, though. I did some Sudokus and read the EasyJet magazine.

Glasgow itself was a pretty cool place. We went to the Kelvingrove Museum & Art Gallery, where I learned that the duck-billed platypus is venomous. Who knew? We rode the Glasgow subway, which is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. It runs in a circle; you either ride the inner loop or the outer loop. The trains are like, three cars long. It feels like riding the tram in Disney World or something. On Sunday we walked around the Glasgow Necropolis and saw Glasgow Cathedral, also known as St. Mungo's Cathedral. I think we all know why this pleases me. I would be interested to go to Church of Scotland services; I wonder what Presbyterianism is like over here.

Other than that stuff, though, we mainly just walked around. We saw some excellent gardens, where we played Poohsticks, and we saw the University of Strathclyde, which is where Ashley goes to school. We baked a chocolate cake, ate some pretty good pub food, made sweet tea (oh so very good), and watched Transformers. It was a nice weekend. I could find nowhere to buy postcards, however, so apologies to those people to whom I was going to send them. Even though you had and still have no idea who you are.

We also saw Horton Hears a Who! on Saturday night. Every time I want to go see a movie here, there is never anything out. Horton wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. I think A.O. Scott sums it up quite nicely: "What distinguishes 'Horton Hears a Who!' from the other recent Dr. Seuss film adaptations — 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' and 'The Cat in the Hat,' in case you need reminding — is that it is not one of the worst movies ever made."

Next weekend I am off to Prague for a few days and then I head to Naples to see Greg. This week I am going to be packing, reading, and eating all the food that's still left in my fridge.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, friends! Also, happy birthday to Liddy!

I'm not on crack; I'm straight up mentally ill!

So. My lame weekend is over and it is time to get back on the crooked and meandering path that I was on before. Drinking! Eating! Possibly reading things! Probably going to my lectures! Sometimes I feel as if this is what I was supposed to experience freshman year of college, but I was too busy obsessively checking the Union movie schedule and eating at Lenoir. It's arrested development. Better late than never, right? Although I have always held that I sowed my wild oats in middle school. There's nothing like drinking Diet Coke with Lime and Jack, smoking a cigarette, and then going to see a matinée showing of Monster's Inc. Am I right?

This week for my Contemporary Writing class we had to read Nights at the Circus by Angela Carter. I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads because I cannot decide how I feel about it. Parts of it were excellent, parts of it were boring, and parts of it were just revolting. Maybe our discussion tomorrow will help me decide. For my Shakespeare class I have to read Twelfth Night for the third time. Or I could just watch She's The Man. Just not the last scene. You know what I'm talking about.

I feel like all I ever want to write about is food. But I don't cook, so I can't have one of those food blogs where people take pictures of the delicious things they make and then I get really hungry and jealous. Because if I had a food blog it'd be like, Here's a picture of the 45p Sainsbury's Basics pizza I cooked. See how the cheese is all black and molten? That was achieved by forgetting about it until two minutes after it should have come out of the oven. I consumed it in 10 minutes with some milk I poured into an empty water bottle so I wouldn't have to clean a glass. It also goes great with tap water or Coke, depending on how fat you want to feel.

I have to say, care packages are great things. But they are anomalous, especially when it comes to Candy Holdings. My Candy Holdings are usually very low. Sometimes in order to get a 50p coin (since that is the only coin the dryers in my building take) I have to buy a Kit Kat or something. But that's usually it. And at home they are probably even lower, depending on when the last time I went to the movies was. But ever since Logan sent me a care package containing candy, my Candy Holdings have been too high to bear. I can't look at the candy without thinking, Well, it might as well be in my belly. It's doing no good just sitting on my desk like that.

So yes, this is the biggest problem in my life right now. Too much candy. And we all know what Trace Adkins had to say about that: "Too much candy? What's that mean? It's like too much money; there's no such thing."

Me? I like animals who can do math.

Do you ever try to check your mirrors while you're walking so you can see who is behind you?

None of my pants fit me anymore. I am either going to really have to step it up on the food front, or buy a new pair of pants. I have been trying the former for the past few days just because of terrible, depressing things, but tomorrow I will probably attempt the latter. It's not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you are depressed. I always buy a lot of frozen Italian food and then forget to buy ice cream, and then I am more depressed because I forgot the ice cream. And the toilet paper, but that's a separate matter.

My flatmates are so irritating. I hate being sequestered in my room, but I really don't want to have to deal with six drunk 18-year-olds. I just want a glass of milk; I don't need your stares. Continue drinking your Tesco vodka and playing cards.

EDIT (2:48 a.m.): At this point the party they decided not to tell anyone they were having has been going on for at least 6 hours. Right now I just want to throttle each and every one of them. And I want to kick the ass of whoever designed my flat and thought putting a window to the hallway above the door was a good idea. Oh, thanks. Now my room is just as bright as the hallway! Fantastic. I'm so glad I moved to Britain so I could have terrible neighbors again. What am I, a rude people magnet? Oh my God I am fed up with this week.

I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the devil's temperature.

So I said I would post about my trip to Canterbury, and here it is. My friend Charlie studied in Canterbury awhile back, so we basically just went back to his favorite bar, The Two Sawyers, and had a fantastic time getting absolutely shitfaced both nights. Shitfaced like going to a gay club shitfaced, or doing flaming shots of Sambuca shitfaced. It was a really good time; Charlie knows the owners, Paul and Chantelle, and they were really awesome and hospitable and just genuinely great people. It was an excellent weekend for consumables, food and alcohol alike. The first night we were there I had one of the most excellent burgers of my life from The Two Sawyers. And then on Saturday we went with Paul and Chantelle to this place called Cafe De China which is an Asian buffet but not really. You pay the same flat fee, but you get to order from your table and everything comes out freshly prepared. Fantastic. I think there are pictures of the duck l'orange or whatever on Facebook.

Other than that we just walked around a lot, and I did some serious reminiscing about GYC. Charlie's friend Brooks came in on Saturday, and he was cool to hang out with. On Sunday Tina and I went to services at the cathedral, which was nice. The choir sang beautifully. It was a weekend of new experiences to be sure. And then the train ride back on Sunday was horrible; never travel on a Sunday.

Clearly I had a wicked hangover that lasted like, 2 days. I have laid off the booze this week and am looking forward to a weekend of doing absolutely nothing. My life thus far has not prepared me for the constant drinking and partying that everyone else I know seems relatively accustomed to. I got called a nerd a lot over the weekend, but I am OK with that. I mean, I did go into a board game shop to lust over the 3-D deluxe edition of Settlers of Catan. And I'm not ashamed of it.

This week has been pretty low key. Last night when I walked home I was so cold that I stopped in a chip shop and bought chips just to warm my hands. That was also my motivation for buying a cup of tea on my way to class yesterday.

I don't understand the polling feature on this website. When a poll ends, there should be a way to make a new one. But there isn't; not without uninstalling and reinstalling the entire feature. Once I think of a good question, I will do it. Even though all you passengers don't really deserve it. I can't wait to drive a car again. It's going to be weird. Yes. Weird enough to for 'weird' to be italicized.

That's about as useful as a chocolate fire god.

I will try to write a proper post about my trip to Canterbury, but I don't have time right now. The city was just as great as I remembered, although my memories of the days I spent there with GYC are now slightly tainted by much less wholesome memories. But that's OK. I had a lot of fun and sent many of my GYC buddies postcards.

I can't believe that so far I am the only one who prefers the driver's seat to the passenger's seat. I guess maybe I am just a control freak when it comes to driving. Ha. "Maybe."

I really should have stayed home and done work this weekend. I need to get back on track and write this goddamn Shakespeare paper. Blerg. I'm sure you will hear from me during fits of procrastination.

Barlow out.

Sisters, sisters, never were there such devoted sisters.

I just got a care package from Logan, and it is the best thing that has happened to me all week. I shall keep the contents to myself. All except the DELICIOUS PEANUT BUTTER that was included. Mmmm. It reminded me that I never did go to Peanut Butter & Co. while I was in New York. Clearly that will be on the agenda next time I go. Since I've been here I've decided that a year just isn't right without a trip to New York. I really did not anticipate loving that place so much. But I do. And I can't hide it any longer. The 4 train and I are getting married. That's how much we love each other. I can't resist that green circle.

Right now I am trying to get ready to go to Canterbury. I had written an entire paragraph detailing the crisis I was having re: which coat to bring, but I have decided that in order to not alienate my readership, deletion was necessary. No one must know the depths of my neuroses.

Anyway, the point of this post is that my big sister is awesome even though she saw Eddie Izzard last night and that makes me so jealous.

Also, I am leaving this poll a five-way tie and making a new one. Congrats to all you literary characters. You guys are stars.

P.S. My watch doesn't know, but it's a leap year! How exciting and mysterious this day is.

Hola Tanneritos!

For some reason I have had writer's block this week re: this blog. I guess nothing that special has happened this week that doesn't involve a lot of alcohol and/or me being embarrassing, two things that I don't really like to talk about.

I went to Sainsbury's today to buy some prepackaged foodities, and the lady at the checkout was an enormous bitch. I handed her my Nectar card, which is something I got for free thinking it was like a VIC card but it isn't. I actually don't really know what it does, I just hand it over out of habit. So I gave it to her and I thought she said "Do you want debit?" And I was confused; I thought she thought it was my debit card (it looks kind of like one) and I said, "No." I thought she wasn't going to scan it so I picked it up and she was like, "Is that yours?" And I was like, "Yes." And she was like, "WELL THAT'S WHAT I JUST ASKED YOU." Except really somewhere in between regular letters and caps. And then I slapped her and said, "STOP MUMBLING AND ALSO YOUR HAIR IS SO UGLY." Not really. I didn't say the bit about the hair.

This week has been really unproductive. For the first time since I've been here I didn't read everything I was supposed to for seminar, but I didn't really care because it was modern poetry so I wasn't going to have anything to say about it anyway. I felt really bad, though, because I fell asleep hardcore in my seminar and there are only about 7 other people in it. I have been trying to write this paper for my Shakespeare class, but I have been really uninspired. It's a minimum of 2700 words, and I just keep thinking about how much that is, and how I'm never going to get it done.

I might need to stop drinking so much. But I probably won't. Last night we didn't go to the pub, we just stayed in and played drinking games. I think that was probably a bad decision; I tend to drink a lot more when I can just reach into the fridge for another beer rather than having to walk all the way up to the bar and interact with another human being. We played Ring of Fire, or Circle of Death, or whatever you call it. I kept drawing aces and having to make up rules, something at which I am crap.

Tomorrow I am off to Canterbury to relive the summer of '05. I'm definitely going to have to sing some choral tunes. Maybe a little "Can You Hear," or perhaps "Virgines Prudentes." I'm pretty excited. It won't be the same without my blue sweatshirt. Oh no, and I didn't even bring a GYC t-shirt with me. O lamentable day.

Sainsbury's Basics macaroni and cheese is not very good.

P.S. You people need to vote in this poll. Or perhaps my entire readership is made up of the four people who did vote. If that is the case, then good on y'all. (Oh man I haven't said y'all in a very long time.)

By the power of Greyskull!

I just remembered that during my walk back yesterday I narrowly avoided being shat upon by a bird. I was literally mere centimeters away from having a really horrible day.

I recently got an invoice charging me for the 5 days I was forced to stay in a hotel. The weekly rent for my dorm is around 70 pounds. I am being charged 160 pounds for my hotel stay. This is ridiculous. I did not ask to be put up at a rate of 32 pounds per night, nor was I told I would be responsible for the fees. I could spend 160 pounds on something worthwhile. Like consumables.

I hate when I start reading a book for fun and then have to stop to do actual school work. I read some of The Road by Cormac McCarthy on the bus back to Bristol, and I was really enjoying it. But I will feel guilty if I stop rereading Romeo and Juliet and taking notes on it for my essay just to read The Road. Maybe I'll read it just for like, ten minutes. Or twenty.

As of a month before I actually register for classes, here is what I am planning on taking next semester (because I know you are very interested):

Engl 338 - 19th Century British Novel (MW 12-12:50)
Engl 319 - Intro to Medieval English Lit (TR 3:30-4:45)
Ling 202 - Language Variation and Change (TR 2-3:15)
Ling 547 - Language Deficits and Cognition (TR 12:30-1:45)
Phya 236 - Swim Conditioning or Self Defense (Both MW 11-11:50)
Biol 101L - Biology 101 Lab (M 2-4:50)

You will notice that this means I have Fridays off. What. Up.

I really want to take Language Deficits and Cognition because it sounds awesome. Here is the course description: Survey of the linguistics properties associated with aphasia, autism, Williams Syndrome dyslexia, and schizophrenia. Emphasis on the implications of these conditions for theories of mind. Spring. Hendrick, Terry.

Unluckily enough, however, Terry is teaching next semester instead of Hendrick. Terry was my prof for Semantics, and I really loathed that class. Also, he was definitely not as awesome a lecturer as Hendrick. There is a big chance that this class will not be offered in the spring, though, so I am going to sign up anyway and drop it if it seems like it will be a Semantics repeat.

If I end up dropping my bio lab again, I hope I get some sort of failure award from the department. Congratulations! Third semester you couldn't stick it out past the hand-washing lab! Here's an honorary agar plate with your name written in Sharpie! At that point shouldn't they just give me the credit because I've tried so many times? Like a walk in baseball?

For British Eyes Only

A picture of Bristol from the top of St. Michael's Hill.

So I am back from London after making the almost hour long trek from the coach station to my apartment. This will mean nothing to anyone who does not come to Bristol, but St. Michael's Hill is a stupid whore of a hill. Also it was raining and I hadn't a hood.

London was fun. On Saturday we saw Cabaret on the West End. (I don't really know how you are supposed to say you saw a West End show. Like, if I saw something on Broadway I would say exactly that: "I saw it on Broadway." So I'm just using that terminology whether or not it is correct.) It was very good; there was a lot of nudity. Those two points are mostly unrelated.

Two things about London theatre, or at least the production we saw. Numbero uno: No free programs. Not even a playbill or something comparable. Jerks! It cost three pounds to just get a regular program for the specific performance, and it wasn't nearly as neat and special as the ones you can buy on Broadway (I think). Numbero dos: During intermission they sold tiny things of Häagen-Dazs from a cart in the actual theatre. Not even the hallway. I got strawberry and it was delicious.



After Times Square, Leicester Square is my least favorite place to walk.

Other than that we didn't do anything too special. We ate some Chinese food on Saturday before the show, and today Joe and I went to Buckingham Palace after we dropped Ashley off at her bus. More impressive than the palace itself was the hoard of identically dressed Asians we saw. The women were wearing long, white, puffy down coats and black leather boots. The men were wearing navy blue anorak-type jackets with yellow lining, jeans, and black leather shoes. They were like the Asian Duggars. It was weird. They were everywhere.

Hanging out with Joe and Ashley was fun. It was sort of like being home again, except instead of bickering in a movie theater or at Harris Teeter, we bickered on the banks of the Thames and in the shadow of Big Ben.

Right now I have a very specific craving. It is to order a Papa John's pizza, sit on my couch, and watch television. Instead I will probably plan my schedule. UNC apparently did post their course listings on Friday, but they posted them at around 8 p.m. Eastern, which, with the time difference, translates to Way Past My Bedtime o'clock.

Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled; welcome all.

I don't think I've ever actually had the hiccups when I was drunk before. That is, until right now. This whole controlling my diaphragm thing is not really working.

By the way, a Snakebite is quite good. Although, according to this Wikipedia article, what I had was a Snakebite with blackcurrant cordial. Still good.

Also good, McCoy's crisps. Cheddar and onion flavor. Best drunk food ever, right behind Hunger Hatch's chips and cheese.

The inebriation is making it quite hard to pack for London.

Nothing is impossible except dinosaurs.

Today the rain came, so the weather here continues to be shit. Although not as shit as it could be, since the rain is light. Persistent, but light. My hair is going crazy.

I have finally located the cheap, cafeteria style lunch place on campus. It's called The Refectory. Its 2 lane cashier system and long tables are somehow comforting. And the pizza isn't bad. I had a piece the other day that had sweetcorn on it. What is with the English and sweetcorn? It's a relationship that I am in favor of.

I get a lot more cards here than I would if I were in Chapel Hill, and I keep opening each one expecting a five or ten dollar bill to fall out as per usual. It's not going to happen. I am enjoying the amount of regular mail I'm receiving, though. It's a much nicer surprise than an email. And actually, come to think of it, no one really emails me other than my mom. And the DTH listserv.

I think tonight for dinner I'm going to cook the steak pie I bought at Sainsbury's. I had the best steak pie while I was in Cardiff at this place called The Rummer Tavern. Oh man. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. Pies with meat in them are genius. I mean, come on. PIE. MEAT. What's not to love? All this talk of pie makes me crave one of Uncle Pete's cherry pies. One of these days I need to be in a serious relationship with something other than food.

Okay. Today was supposed to be the day when Fall 2008 course listings went online. Apparently that was a huge lie. It's 11:20 in Chapel Hill. They should be up. I put this date on my Google calendar. Thanks for nothing, University Registrar. All you do is hurt me.

I really want to plan my schedule. I didn't get to do it last semester.

EDIT: Apparently now they go online the 25th. I have to wait all the way until Monday. I could have sworn I didn't Google calendar it wrong, but I guess I must have. Or perhaps the Registrar is just very tricksy.

What ho, Tuppy!

It is WINDY here. I was blown off my path at least 10 times walking back from class. Speaking of class, I have an attractive male lecturer. This is such a relief. I have been waiting to have an attractive professor since I left Mr. McNees' class. I can't think of one attractive professor I've had at Carolina. Sometimes I just need inappropriate outlets for my lust. Is that a crime?

Last night my friends and I made a full English breakfast for dinner, which was delicious. I tried beans on toast. Then for some reason I had the most delayed reaction to alcohol ever. I'm not going to detail my consumption, but I really thought I drank quite a bit. I think I was drunk in my sleep. But I felt hardly any of it while I was awake. It was strange. The night was enjoyable, though. Social interaction can be pretty good times.

Also good times? Sesame seed bagels. Finally finishing If on a winter's night a traveler. And giving a good presentation on Wide Sargasso Sea in my seminar.

Not good times? Sainsbury's chick pea curry. I thought it was going to transport me to a past Monday or Thursday and suddenly I was going to be in the bottom of Lenoir doing the DTH crossword with Joe. But no. It just tasted off. And I'm still here. And yes, I know the days when Sitar India Palace comes to Lenoir.

So there is no other news. I am going to London on Saturday to visit Ashley and Joe, and I think we're planning to go to a West End show. There is a TKTS booth in London, so I'm making them hit it up on Saturday before I arrive. I cannot contain my love for the South Street Seaport TKTS booth, and for TKTS booths in general. I really like saying "Tee Kay Tee Ess Booth."

It feels like Friday.

I live in a houseboat on an estuary.

If it's in my head, it might as well be in yours.

My name is Jason Bourne.

double sided Sellotape + gold pencil + 2 tiny Moleskines + 2 report covers + scissors = passports for Cabaret

I went to this bangin' art supply store called Harold Hockey at the top of Whiteladies Road, and spent about an hour looking around for supplies. They actually came together quite well, considering I made them fairly speedily with no practice lettering or anything. I accidentally picked up a silver metallic pen instead of gold, though, so I'm going to go exchange the pen tomorrow and then go back over the lettering because I think the pencil might wear off.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders right now. And I feel really productive. But now I actually have to do real work. Like reading Henry V.

Next craft project: 1920s pack of cigarettes. I think I'm just going to buy a pack of Camel Lights, smoke them, and then dunk the package in tea. I'm not going for authenticity here.

Barlowdown, Volume II

So last night I booked my plane ticket from Bristol to Prague on the 22nd of March. I am officially going to travel. My plan is Prague -> Naples (Smeags!) -> Munich -> Amsterdam -> Wherever/Home.

Last night I hung out with all the people I'm traveling with so we could book our tickets, and we went to a pub where I drowned my sorrows in cider. Recommended pub for anyone coming to Bristol: Highbury Vaults on St. Michael's Hill.

This week I have to read Henry V and do a small presentation on Wide Sargasso Sea, which I would recommend, especially if you've read Jane Eyre. But if you haven't read Jane Eyre, what are you doing? Read it. And then read Wide Sargasso Sea.

Today I am making fake passports and possibly doing my laundry. It's going to be legendary.

Blerg.

On Saturday I took a day trip with about 50 other international students to Oxford and Blenheim Palace. It wasn't all I hoped it would be. It reminded me of chorus trips, but only in a bad way. When we were in Oxford I realized how much I hate being a hugely conspicuous tourist. I don't mind being a tourist and taking pictures and looking at maps and other tourist things. But I would like to do it without 15-50 other people. Also, my tour guide in Oxford was this German woman who spent 15 minutes explaining the Oxford system and then spent the rest of the time walking very fast and explaining little to nothing about the things we actually saw.

Blenheim Palace was pretty neat. As far as homes of rich people go, it was cooler than Cardiff Castle. Also, the family still lives in the palace in their private apartments, so that really upped the intrigue factor.

Overall I was slightly disappointed in the trip, especially since I paid 20 pounds to go. I'm signing up for the next day trip to Stonehenge, though, because I want to go there, but I don't feel like planning my own trip.

So this weekend was kind of a waste. Other than the trip I spent most of it watching Arrested Development and feeling shitty. I'm pretty homesick and depressed right now. Next weekend I am going to London for 2 days to see Ashley and Joe, so if I'm not out of my funk by then at least I can see two people from home and get about a hundred hugs.

I hate hills.

Today is one of those days where I just feel fed up with being here and want to go home. I am tired of mean British people and their counterintuitive education system. I am also tired of spending money, and not seeing my family, and not being able to watch TV. I am also tired of being forced to delete my trusty anti-virus software so I can install McAfee, which is clearly the worst anti-virus software on the face of the planet. Without changing any of my internet habits, my computer has recently been compromised. I would like to report a rape, ladies and gentlemen. Poor ThinkPad.

So, yeah. Today was pretty crappy. I had to turn in my essay, and the process of turning it was really complicated. It involved filling out forms in triplicate and getting a receipt.

Right now, though, my bad mood has been temporarily lifted because when I walked in the door, I saw a letter on the floor addressed to me in the unmistakable hand of one Paul J Nguyen. As I lifted the envelope, I knew right away that there were DTH crosswords inside. It was like I could smell them; they were calling to me. There is nothing like DTH highlights and the promise of sudoku and crosswords to make me feel better. Paul, you are truly a god among men.

Oh, my Valentine's Day was eventful. A brief overview: alcohol, Kit-Kats, strip club, alcohol, dance club, chips and cheese, expensive cab ride home. British strippers are pretty nice. My last fiver went to pay for a friend's lap dance.

I'm still pretty down on England right now, so I am going to sit in my room and eat my feelings while watching Arrested Development and doing crosswords.

P.S. Those of you who believe in God, please pray that I'm not getting another chronic cough.

Happy Valentine's Day.

So I am sick. I have that awful raw throat thing. Nothing much else hurts; I have a runny nose (that's not new) and a bit of a headache. Mostly it's just my throat hurts and I sound like a dude. Everyone is sick right now. I feel very bandwagon-y. Possibly I caught it from people in America through the internet.

So my plans for Easter break are coming together. I am traveling around with 3-4 other study abroad students to Prague, Munich, Amsterdam, and possibly Paris, and I'm also going to visit Greg in Naples on my own. Hopefully Ashley and Joe will show up in one of the the places I'm going.

I am probably going to spend a whole lot of money, but I'm trying not to worry about it too much. If I think about it for prolonged periods of time, I have a tiny heart attack. It clearly is a once in a lifetime opportunity, though. I can only really pull off backpacking around Europe while I'm in my 20s, and I don't know if I'll be over here again in the next 1o years. So I've got to do it now. Carpe diem or something. Gather ye rosebuds. Etc.

Today was a pretty good day, although it featured two things worth complaining about. One is that I'm sick. The other is that I have written an entire essay on Lolita using MLA formatting. I thought, OK. If I ask my tutor, she'll probably say it's fine to leave it in MLA. No. I have to change all my citations to the English department's style, which is really irritating. Plus it's all footnotes and endnotes, which is a royal pain in my ass. I am just an enormous fan of parenthetical citations. I can't hide it any longer.

But other than those two things, today was pretty good. I hung out with some people, ate a SPAM Reuben, and got a Cadbury egg. Tomorrow (or today I guess, considering the title of this post) I am possibly going to a strip club.

This is the life I lead, apparently.

I love you guys. I miss you. Happy Valentine's Day. When I get home we are having a hug.

Cymru Am Byth!

So on Friday I went to Cardiff with two other study abroad students, Charlie and Tina. I will leave you to figure out who is who from the picture.

The train from Bristol to Cardiff took a little under an hour. When we got to Cardiff we found our hostel in about 10 minutes, dropped our stuff off, and consulted Charlie, one of the guys who runs the hostel, about what to do. We really lucked out getting a room, because no one had realized that there was a gigantic rugby match (Wales v. Scotland) going on that weekend. Charlie told us we might be able to get tickets to the game, so that was the first thing we did. Although they were ridiculously expensive, we bought them. Best. Idea. Ever.

The rest of Friday we wandered around Cardiff. We hung out by Cardiff Bay, accidentally walked through the sketchy part of town, saw the prison, went to a museum, and encountered a lot of Scotsmen in kilts. Later on we went to a pub where we got pleasantly drunk and I had a really excellent steak pie with chips.

On Saturday we woke up early to meet some other study abroad students who had come over in the morning. We walked over to Cardiff Castle and went on a guided tour of the inside, which was cool, but didn't blow me away. Probably because it was basically a summer home for some rich people, so the stories were about the marble rather than, I don't know, sieges or something. Whatever images or activities you would normally associate with a castle. The sort of outside bit of the castle and the Norman Keep were really impressive. Apparently William the Conqueror's eldest son was imprisoned there (I think in the Norman Keep) for about 8 years after he tried to overthrow his youngest brother. The entire time I was in the castle I couldn't help thinking, "We're up to here with fucking castles. We just long for a bungalow or something."

After we left the castle in search of a place to buy food, alcohol, and t-shirts. Charlie and Tina got rum and Coke, I got an enormous bottle of Leffe and a sandwich. Also a sweet "100% Unofficial" Wales rugby shirt. Once we had our supplies, we went back to the river and sat across from Millennium Stadium and drank for awhile.

We made it to the stadium just in time for the kick off at 2. We sat next to two excellent Welsh guys who were kind enough to explain the game to us. I was able to follow it pretty easily, but like in most sports though, the penalties confused me. Rugby is an exciting sport to watch. Much better than American football. After the game we got another drink in an incredibly crowded bar near the stadium with Lee and Mike, the two guys we sat next to. After awhile we left, went back to the hostel to pick up our bags, and walked to the train station.

When we got back to Bristol we met up with some people at a pub. Then sometime after about 12 straight hours of drinking and foolishness in Cardiff and Bristol I made it back to my room with all my stuff and went to bed. I have a lot of pictures (and two accidental videos) from the weekend, some of which I have posted on Facebook.

So, yeah. Cardiff was excellent. Very nice people, sport, and consumables.

"Quiet! A whale is in trouble. I have to go."

Yesterday for lunch I made myself a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was delicious. Today I had to go to the grocery store and I decided to try Sainsbury's peanut butter instead of paying about 50 pence more for Skippy. We'll see how it goes. The Sainsbury's peanut butter came in a glass jar.

I cannot find Parmesan cheese. Well, that's a half-truth. I can find a small package of it for about 2 pounds. That is a price I am unwilling to pay. I just want some cheap Kraft shredded Parmesan to sprinkle over the enormous amounts of pasta I consume. I bought some "grated Italian hard cheese" but it smells and tastes slightly foul and looks like Comet.

Just like at home, it seems my life ends up being Adventures in . . . Grocery Shopping! And Sometimes Books!

So I am supposed to help make props for the University Hall production of Cabaret. I originally responded to the e-mail asking for volunteers thinking that it would be a good way to meet people. When I showed up for the meeting, however, I was early and I was merely handed a list of props to make. In retrospect I should have said, "No, thanks. It doesn't look like I'll be able to make any of this." But I felt bad, so of course I agreed. Now I have to make two 1920s passports, one American and one German, a 1920s pack of cigarettes, and a 1920s matchbox. If you have any ideas about how to make these items, please tell me. Probably this will involve dipping things in tea, which is my favorite arts and crafts project.

It's still just as funny as the first time.

I am tired. I am true of heart!

Last night I watched the Super Bowl, which is two words. I was happy the Giants won because I still really dislike the Patriots for beating the Panthers that one time in the Super Bowl. Also, football is stupid, boring, and really impossible to explain.

On Wednesday I get to return my faulty copy of If on a winter's night a traveler. The irony of the situation continues to amuse me.

It is possible that the guy from Canada did not play for the Rangers. He may have played for a Canadian team. I was drunk when I met him, and I don't watch hockey except for in uplifting sports movies. FLYING V!

Today my lecture for Contemporary Writing was about post-modernism. The girl I sat with didn't like it; she said the lecturer kept trying to make jokes that weren't funny. Apparently we do not have the same sense of humor. There was a great quotation he attributed to "the German poet" (at least I think that's what he said). It was this: "I don't know where irony ends and heaven begins." Also, he read aloud a part from A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and the scene from Pulp Fiction where Vincent and Jules discuss the Royale with cheese. I thought it was an inspiring lecture.

I am hoping to go to Cardiff this weekend, which should be excellent. Destination: Wales!

The pressure of coming up with a title is too great.

Last night I met a man who had an authentic Russian fur hat, which he bought while riding the Trans-Siberian Railway in 1981. Originally from Canada, he has only been back to North America twice in a really long time, both times for a parent's funeral. Now that he is retired, he spends half the year in England and half the year in Asia. His name is Brian, and he is 62. When I am 62 I hope I qualify as a really cool person to meet.

EDIT: Also, he played for the New York Rangers (I think. It was some NHL team; I'm almost positive it was the Rangers) and played 6 games in the NHL.

The only thing I absolutely hate about this experience so far is that I am 2 miles away from everything. And that means that late at night it is not safe for me to walk the 2 miles back to my dorm alone and half drunk. So I have to pay for cab fare. SUCK. I think there is a night bus, so I guess I will have to figure out how to catch that.

You're orange, you moron!

Expiration dates are such crap. I always feel like I am breaking the law when I eat something after its supposed death date. Sometimes if I'm feeling like an idiot, I go buy more of it that's not expired, consume that, and then go on a date. What makes me say this is that buying things here is hard. Take lunch meat. You can either buy 8 pieces of ham, or you can buy a whole bunch of ham. So I bought a whole bunch since I'm fat and put 8 pieces of ham on one sandwich. It said it expired like, Jan 27, but it was totally fine today. I say that now, and tonight I'm going to end up like that chick in the pilot episode of House, and I'm going to have to scribble "HOSPITAL" on the wall so my flatmates will understand that right now it's not my shyness and antisocial tendencies that aren't allowing me to talk, it's the pork. And then Hugh Laurie will say "haaahm."

Also, I wanted to buy bread today but all of it was like, "best before 3 Feb." That gives me 2 days to eat an entire loaf of bread. I know in my brain that bread's expiration depends on when I open it, and when it actually gets moldy. (Also, eating expired bread isn't that bad for you. I ate some expired White Wheat at the end of the semester with some tuna, and I was fine. I know it was expired because it smelled absolutely foul, but I couldn't figure out if that's just what White Wheat had always smelled like, or if it was bad. So of course I ate it anyway, and then the next time I had White Wheat, I smelled it and realized that when it's good it doesn't smell like anything.) But anyway, for some reason looking at that expiration date made me feel like I could not purchase it. So I bought toilet paper and pasta salad instead. I also bought a Coke, my first one since I've been here I think, and it is delicious. So is this banana I am eating. I have a lot of opinions when it comes to food.

Here's something that's not about food. In order to get to class I have to walk along this narrow lane near my building. There's a steep hill at one point, so you can take these optional steps that are carved into the hill. Sometimes when I am coming back from class, there is an old man running up and down the steps in very short track shorts, consulting with his foreign trainer every now and then. I don't like when this happens because his monstrous pale thighs make me uncomfortable, and also I like to take the steps down the hill because I hate having my feet slide all the way to the front of my shoes.

Today I had my Shakespeare seminar, and it was pretty good. We talked about Titus Andronicus.

I hope everyone has a good time seeing Blackmail. I hope it is great. Speaking of plays that are going to be awesome, can anyone else not wait for Bloody Blackbeard? RIGHT?

Yikes.

Toothpaste belonging to one of my flatmates. It was very jarring to have it appear next to the sink. Remember that movie C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America? Me too. It was weird.

So, here's the Barlowdown*:

I have made this travel blog to keep you abreast of my goings on.

Today it was very cold. I walked the 2 miles to campus only to wait 20 minutes because the people I was meeting were late. Then I couldn't eat lunch with them because I had to get to class. So I bought a panini and some water, and the guy gave me sparkling water instead of still. So I killed him.

So far lectures have been good but slightly uninspiring. I think I should have perhaps taken Approaches to Shakespeare and another English class that wasn't for first years. Oh well. My question at this point is: Am I expected to use academic sources in an English paper, or is it merely my interpretation of the text? One hopes for the latter, but expects the former. BARF! I will ask my tutor.

I found the absolute worst version of Romeo and Juliet ever. It's the "New Swan Shakespeare." Not only were there two typos, but there were also pen and ink drawings of typical Elizabethan things like "a cook" (IV.ii.2) or some dude dressed funnily lighting the metaphorical cannon mentioned in the line "As violently as hasty powder fired / Doth hurry from the fatal cannon's womb" (V.i.64-65).

I recently found out that someone I am supposed to travel with at some point is opposed to the idea of hostels. Soon he will discover that I am opposed to the idea of me not punching him in the groin.

I have no plans yet for this weekend. I think I am going to the Coronation Tap on Friday, where I hope to get drunk on cider. Other than that, I will go where the wandering wind takes me. Which will probably be to my room, where If on a winter's night a traveler and many pieces of toast will be waiting.

BARLOW OUT.

*Copyright, JTW, 2008.